Hi there! Sincere apologies for the break in transmission. We have had to take some time off reviewing the seasonal ‘god’ catalogue to attend to a few issues. However, we’re back with a bang! In this edition, we will be looking closely at two of the ‘all-time’ greats. However, we must point out that these models generally tend to appeal to a slightly more mature audience. No matter though, as this is in keeping with our promise to ensure that there is something for everyone. So, let’s dig right in!
The Sugar Daddy (TSD)
A survey of the top fans of this model showed that it scores major points for convenience and with all due respect, it is generally preferred by the ladies. The operation is pretty simple, all you need to do is to know how to ‘push the right buttons’, and ‘say the right words’.
The interactions are pretty straight forward…once the owner finds him/herself in a bind, the simply need to reach for the box on the shelf and pull out this ‘god’. Kind of similar to the Genie® model except that in place of shining the ‘lamp’, you say ‘sweet things’ and pout and flash your cute smile until ‘bippity, bopitty, boop’! you get what you want.
A word of advice though…should this not work, ardent users have found an alternative means of operation. This trick however should not be used too often and must only be done by the most skillful of operators! The technical term for it is ‘Emotional Harassment’. The operator must attempt to make TSD feel guilty for failing to do something. This usually involves tears and a pity party.
As with the other ‘gods’ in our catalogue, this model doesn’t require any complex worship needs. You may whip it out from time to time, but only seriously when you need it. Once you get what you need, you can put it right back in and get on with your life in peace. It is definitely a huge hit and has been around for ages.
Fans Rating 5 Stars
Our Rating 4.5 Stars
The Business Partner (TBP)
At this point, things take a somewhat serious turn. We’re leaving the mass market models and entering into niche territory. The Business Partner Model requires a high level of user sophistication. To achieve proficiency in the usage of this model, the operator must master meticulous record keeping and possess quite a high degree of self-righteousness.
Most customers who prefer this model are huge fans of tit-for-tat arrangements. They often see themselves as superior to users of other models because theirs requires significant input and effort. Operators can often be found assessing their current situation and on the basis of that drawing up contractual agreements with god to be signed and honoured by both parties. Failure on either side usually has a negative impact on the ‘relationship’ altogether. Disappointment, disillusionment and despair are the most frequently observed side effects.
This ‘scratch my back, I scratch yours’ functionality is the differentiating feature of TBP. Product reviewers believe that a certain amount of hubris and a ‘filthy rag-righteousness’ add-on are required for optimal usage.
Being that TBP is only for the highly skilled, it doesn’t really fly off the shelves during the holidays. It is usually used by people who have been backed into a tight corner in life. A measure of desperation was identified in most survey respondents. As already highlighted, it requires a measure of religious activity ranging from moderate to very stringent…depending on the nature of the situation to be addressed.
Fans Rating 4 Stars
Our Rating 4 Stars