Its funny…every time I have thought of ‘falling’, I’ve always had in my mind the picture of a huge leap. A skid stop, a U-turn at 160 km/h….You get? Perhaps my mind is only willing to entertain polar concepts- White or Black? Cold or Hot? Living or Dead? Yet, there is a reason why we have a colour called grey, why drinks can be warm and why some people spend their lives in a coma- suspended animation.
The walking dead, screaming dumb, looking sightless and hearing numb.
Saved, forgiven, washed and given a purpose….until………until……. Until nothing really! Huh?
Yes. My eyes lingered a little longer where they weren’t meant to. My bum sat for a teeny while more than necessary. That gist…I really should have left the place but I stood there and kept quiet….Good right? Maybe…Only that the next time, I actually made a comment. Much later, I moderated the discussions….
My bible used to lie open on my dresser…then, mostly closed- It made the room neater. I started praying less in my closet because my schedules got tighter. Of all the important things in my life, God is the only one that can wait….right?
Fast forward a little bit….the whites have become darker whilst the blacks have gotten lighter! Nameless, faceless….my only identity, a piece of plastic in my wallet. I’m on a road heading nowhere, the signs are familiar but i’m making no progress….
Then I wake up one day and realize the unthinkable- I am lost! Impossible! Born again! Holy ghost filled! Tongue talking! Demon chasing! Lost? Abominable! Perish the thought! Or so i thought!
Saul the anointed, now an outcast…sitting on a throne long recovered- Let me define ‘Bench warmer’. Yet, the office was his, the title, the armed guards and all the trappings of royal life. He had everything except one…God was no longer with him….He was no longer with God! Selah!!!
As I said, I didn’t take a huge leap backward….No- they were slow, subtle, tiny steps backward. Till I found myself back in the muck that Divine blood was shed to wash me from.
Thank God though for mercy….
He wouldn’t let me be. I fell hard.
Took His love for granted, trampled on His grace but he proved to me…(yet again if I might add!) that there is nothing He can’t save me from……even myself!
So now, I’m out of rehab….slowly on the mend. His light is leading me, His love healing me and His grace upholding me. Then I remembered you my friend….I think I passed by you on my way down to ‘Sheol’. I just want to warn you….to plead with you…..Yes it is true that God never leaves us but have you left Him?
Have you put your lamp under a bushel? Have you become salt without taste? Is everything fine and dandy? Have you chosen to blend in rather than stand out?
When last did you suffer persecution for Christ? Too much? He said you would….and that if you do, it makes you more like him. Can the world tell you apart or are you lost in the ‘greyness’?
Are you still alive or are you like a fan after ‘NEPA’ has taken ‘Light’…..still turning but without power, without life….
Let him that thinketh he stands take heed lest he fall…. Wise words I forgot only too quickly…how about you?